Career Suicide

I have committed the unspeakable act of career suicide. There are those who would say I was guilty of flushing my career down the proverbial toilet. After all, I didn't get paid for my career, so therefore I wasn't legitimately occupied. I didn't "punch a clock" or work for the state. My resume would read as follows: home-schooled my children from birth through high school (3 out of 4, anyway--one currently in public high school). That's it! (well, not exactly). I did teach 3rd and 4th grades for a year before we began our own family, owned my own daycare, farm and real estate appraisal business with my husband. That is roughly 219,000 hours and counting of unpaid work, round the clock, no sick days or paid time off--HA!!! No pension, no promotions, no fame or fortune. Zippo.

If I could go back and do it all over, would I change anything? Perhaps. How do you finish a 26-year marathon then look back and not see how you couldn't have done some things better? Of course I could in a perfect world. In a perfect world, I would've taught my children with unlimited resources of time and money with never a worry of any lack. Obviously, this was never my reality, in the natural. By that, I mean apart from God's provision, there was no WAY I could have accomplished what I did those many, many, MANY hours, days, months, seasons, years. NO way--impossible! Did I ever want to quit? Absolutely! Ever get discouraged? Every day. Ever doubt the outcome of my work? Too many times. Worry unnecessarily? OH did I ever.

I was just stubborn enough to believe that if God called our family to do this, He would have to make a way. And He did! Boy, did He ever!! My sons both went on to achieve top honors in their programs in their post-secondary education, our youngest now in public high school getting all A's (a B+ in P.E. to her chagrin), and our other daughter and her husband now owning their own farm and raising their own family. My husband supported me all the way all those years. If it weren't for him having our own business, I'm not sure we would have home-schooled as long as we did. Somehow God made it possible to make a one-income household thrive. Together, we worked hard, played hard, and prayed often. My advice to families today is this: eat meals together every day, whenever possible. This is the best way to talk about your day, solve the world's problems, and talk about future vacations, goals, and dreams. And always, ALWAYS spend time together in God's Word and pray!


More important than any achievements the world may deem to be "successful" is that each one of our children is living for Jesus. Nothing else would matter one crumb if they didn't love the Lord with their whole hearts. Nothing. I am not saying that home-schooling is the answer, and no matter where your children attend school, the time you spend with your children (and I mean actively involved) is never, ever wasted! People now ask me if I will go back into teaching, and I almost always say "no". But really I never have quit teaching, and since I'm used to doing it without pay, I may as well continue. Career suicide? Depends on who you ask.

This October Morning...

...was too lovely to keep me trapped in the dreary walls of my place of refuge.  I was NOT a prisoner, and freedom was inviting at me out to visit.  The crimsons, goldens, russets of the woods were drifting down softly around me, and crisp under my boots.  With the steady evergreens both clashing and and yet harmonizing, I was in a symphony of color set against azure and gray.  A canvas, and yet a score for the artist, the composer, laying down color, notes.  Colorful notes!

Crystal-golden tinkling twirls through warmish-cool breeze.  After sky breathes, maples were woodwinds and bells in a symphony of sound, color, scent, touch.  Sky-breath tastes like earth, maple, pine, dry pine and oak.  Sweet wine, I drink deeply of it, and I am warmed. 

Green-needles red pines crescendo as sky breathes, lifting and then lowering batons laden with needles and cones.  I have always enjoyed the bark of the red pine.  It is fun to peel off just a little of the orangy-gray layers like cleaving mica, not too much that I damage the tree, but just enough to see what is underneath.  What is underneath is more of the same cork-bark in abstract shapes like jig-saw puzzle pieces. 

As the crescendo RISES, falls, first LONG and LOUD, then soft...and almost silent, I look down.  A crimson/day-glow-red maple leaf among brown oak leaves tells me to pick up red.  I obey.  It was most lovely in a gaudy sort of way, like a princess among the commoners.  I feel compelled to drop the princess so she may be with her subjects where she belongs, so I do.

The canvas becomes blue, harshly dark and gray, now shifting this temporary palette of divine earth things.  All of it reminds me that change is NOT an option, but with the full assurance that once again the Creator of seasons and substance, Sustainer and Giver of life will not waste it, but keep the hope of another day like this, and BETTER days, even than this one, will be in the tomorrows ahead.

The path of the righteous is like the light of dawn, shining brighter to the full day.  Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but I am assured of the hope of fresh, new, sparkling tomorrows ahead, and I am at rest.  This is the climax for now.  This October morning. 

And, now, suddenly I find myself in April! 

Been A Long Time

Since my last blog, much time has passed, and many changes within me as well.  Talk about losing your muse, your inspiration.  Isn't it true that the only place to go from the top of a mountain but down?  My God is the God of the valley, and He is God of the mountain!  He is there, wherever I may think I have lost "it":  He is never lost.  In the deepest pit, He is there.  In the highest of heights, He is there.  Okay, so I'm not going to rewrite the Psalms, but I have again found the joy of overcoming some "momentary light afflictions", by God's grace and for His glory.  In the light of eternity, we who are in Christ will wake up as from a bad dream to the glorious reality of all realities, to bliss beyond anything experienced here...far, far beyond what we could imagine or dream of!  If that thought doesn't bring one peace, know that you can find the One who is our Peace:  Jesus Christ.

We cannot allow ourselves to put too much confidence in others, for they will let us down, just as we have let others down.  What's so great about that is that the One whom we can tell everything to is the One who can never mess up, will never reject us or forget about us, or can never be unable to carry our heavy loads.  He promised to help us, and He promised to unconditionally accept us, "warts and all".  His love is not based on whether we appear to be worthy of that love or not, but it is because HE IS LOVE.  He can ONLY love, ONLY accept, not conditionally, but regardless of how filthy, bloody, or helpless we are.  In fact, that's when we are MOST loved by HIM, the God of mercy, grace, justice, love, peace, and all kindness, who is the Father to the fatherless.  And it is when we know that kind of love, that we ourselves can love from the same heart, the father-heart of God, who is longing to have His "little ones" run to His protective embrace.  It is then that we can extend the grace, mercy, love, and forgiveness that comes from a clean heart, recreated and renewed by the everlasting love of the Father.

Over the years I have come to understand this one thing:  Only God can heal a broken heart.  Others can come alongside and help lead us in the right way, and that is from God, too.  Nobody can fix us, but with the power of the Holy Spirit, we can comfort one another with the comfort with which WE were comforted.  We all have experienced being cold, lost, and afraid, and hopefully, if we are reading these words, we have been comforted by someone else seeing the state of need that we were in.  The Holy Spirit, Who is our COMFORTER, knows exactly how to help us, and when we are truly needy, He knows how to bring loving people into our lives to help us find our way again.

I have just read today that those gifted with high intelligence are more emotionally sensitive, which has both positive and negative sides.  The positive side of being sensitive is treating people with kindness and respect.  The negative side is that the realm of the mind can be the torture chamber the enemy, Satan, uses to try to immobilize God's children.  The Good News is this:  God won't tolerate His children being bullied.  He stands between you and Satan and declares "Enough!".  End of discussion.  We don't have to fight in our own strength, but we DO have to remind Satan who we belong to.  The thief (Satan) only comes to steal, kill, and destroy (bad news), but Jesus said He came that we could have life to the full (GOOD news!).  Anyone reading this has the intelligence factor that can fall prey to Satan's lies (more bad news), but if we come to Jesus as a little child, He will give us the keys to His kingdom (the BEST news!!!!!!!).  Take those keys and open the doors to abundant life in Christ!                                  

Abundant Grace, Peace, and Joy! Part One

I have experienced another "renaissance", another renewal, another rekindling of the fire of God within and upon me, and I can't help but want to share it.  Outwardly, we are perishing, as Paul the apostle said, but our inward Man is being renewed day by day.  Amen!  I have had another almost impossible week, but by the power of the Holy Spirit, I was supernaturally able to get through it, and do it well--praise the Lord Jesus for He deserves all the glory!  I know it was because of the prayers of my brothers and sisters in the Lord that I was able to handle some extremely difficult situations that I just didn't have the mental or physical energy to do on my own.  And so I am most humbled by the thought of people who care enough to pray for me in my time of need, and I am amazed by the absolute peace that passes understanding that has been guarding my heart and mind through all this.

Let us all remember that Jesus said that the thief, or Satan, comes to steal, kill, and destroy, but JESUS came that we would have ABUNDANT life.  What does that look like?  Jesus also said in this world we would have tribulation, but BE OF GOOD CHEER.  Why?  Because, He said He OVERCAME the world, and therefore, if we are in Christ, guess what?  We overcome, too!  It might not be right during the trial, and it might mean that He keeps us safe in the midst of the trial.  The fact that we face trials is part of the human condition.  The same sun that melts the wax also hardens the clay.  And so we must ask ourselves, what are we made of?  Is our heart like wax, pliable when heat is applied?  Or does our heart harden, like clay, not able any more to be pliable?

I desire more than anything to have a heart of wax, to be the fuel for the fire of the Holy Spirit to burn bright in the dark world.  Also, the finest gold is wrought in the hottest fire.  Abundant gold, abundant wax, abundant fire.  Be bold, be bright, and let your light shine!  The opposite of abundant life is what the thief comes to do:  To take away all that has already been provided for us through the finished work of Christ.  He is Victor, and so are we!  We who are the children of God have been given the legal right to use the Name which is above all names, Jesus Christ, not as a little magic token or a rote powerless afterthought, but as our birthright.  We have been re-fathered when we were born again, and now our heavenly Father has made us accepted in the Beloved.   

So what this means to us is that we have been given all we need to obtain life and godliness in this present age.  We have the name of Jesus, we have the Holy Spirit, and we have a new Father, Who IS Love.  He is Jehovah Jireh, the Lord who provides, and He promised to provide a way of escape when we are faced with impossible situations.  Nothing, nothing, absolutely nothing--nothing is too difficult for our God!  Hallelujah!  His grace is more than enough, His peace is more than enough, His joy is more than enough.  Thank you, Lord, for your strength that helps us when we most need it, when we are weakest, then Your strength is made known.  In Your presence is fullness of joy and pleasures forevermore!  I'll praise You in the storm, even though it looks bad, for You are Lord of the storm and You are Life.  I could go on and on, but I'm going to have to continue next time.  May the Lord Jesus Christ bless you with every spiritual blessing!  Amen.                  

A Missing Puzzle Piece

A few days ago I got an unexpected phone call.  It came from an uncle that I only knew in photographs.  It was a delightful conversation, and was a very important puzzle piece that was missing in my life.  We talked for probably at least a half an hour.  It was kind of strange, this person with a voice sounding much like my own brother's.  "Was this the way my own father's voice would have sounded?", I wondered.(My birth father had been absent from my life.) Strange, because my brother was only a year old and I only three years old the last time we may have seen this uncle, so there's no way this could be a learned trait on my brother's part.  My "new-found" uncle even said "Oh, really?" just like my brother says it--wow, so uncanny it almost gives me goosebumps to think about it even now.   

Bill, the name of this long lost but not forgotten uncle, apologized for not being in touch with me all these years, but he was so kind and sweet I couldn't help but reassure him I was just so glad to hear from him now.  We talked about my life and his life, each one of my kids and his kids (my cousins who I also have yet to meet), how my mom is doing, about my brother, basically 45 years boiled down to 30 minutes.  But in that 30 minutes, I found out about what my own birth father might have been like (my mother and he were divorced when I was three years old).  It had been the desire of my heart to know more about my own birth father whom I was not able to see since I was four years old, and he died when I was eleven.  He has remained mostly a mystery my whole life, since my mother did not like to say much about it.  I had to know what nobody was willing to tell me.  I begged God to give me more of an idea of what my father was like, and although I met my paternal grandparents and aunt, my uncle remained somewhat of a mystery all these years.

And so now I feel like God blessed me in such a wonderful way to let me have the desire of my heart, which was to know more about my birth father.  Uncle Bill (can't get used to saying that yet) wants to know if my brother and I would come down to my Grandpa's (his father's, of course) in Iowa to meet him this summer when he flies in from California.  To my brother and me it will be like the first time meeting him since we don't remember him at all, but I look forward to it, and so I'm sure in May I'll be blogging again about our meeting.  Stay tuned!   







 

Great Balls Of...Lightning!

This is actually part two of the sugar snow blog, but since I was too tired to write more before, here goes.

Ahhh, a wonderful warm reprieve today complete with actual sunshine--I know, it's almost too much to comprehend after the oppressive low pressure blanket of yucky overcast gloom lately.  I don't think I'm the only one giddy with the spring "tease" again that we're having.  Today as I venture out on slushy roads, I find that everyone, it seems, is coming out of the woodwork.  We all smile at each other knowingly, as if we're co-survivors of yet another freak-of-nature incident, but thankful that it's over, and it could have been so much worse.  Only two days out from the Great Balls of Lightning...

I say "great" because A) I'm a science/nature geek, and 2) I'm easily amused by simple things.  I mean, Bill Nye is one of my heroes, sort of, and if I would have known him personally in high school, who knows how my destiny would have been forever altered...Anyway, Bill himself would tell you that there actually is such a thing as ball lightning, which is what I saw during this blizzard.  Apparently, this is a form of lightning that occurs when electrically charged particles fall to the ground, roll until they reach a solid object, then discharge with an explosive, but relatively non-dangerous flash of light.  My own dear grandmother told me long ago of such lightning rolling through her house through one window and out the other, and I have witnessed it myself maybe once before, but never in a snowstorm.  Yep, card-carrying science nerd here...

I had to go to my ancient encyclopedias (circa 1960's)--I know, geek again!--and verify that what I really witnessed was a scientifically valid event and not just a subliminal suggestion previously placed in my mind from my precious late grandmother.  Yes, and in the 1960's, though not fully understood, it was even documented with (black-and-white) photos.  Good enough for me!  Anybody else out there in the blogosphere witness ball lightning?  I'm considering forming a "meeting of the minds", a summit, of we privileged few who have witnessed the elusive wonder called (unimaginatively, I think, anyway) ball lightning, perhaps to give it a more sensationalistic name fitting such a wonder of the cosmos.  Okay, now you're thinking this is a dork gone to seed, for sure!  All right, settle down, everyone...it's probably not going to happen in my lifetime, but mark my words, someone will come along some day and give it a REALLY cool scientific name, not dumb old ball lightning.

So, now that you've been convinced that it really does exist (it does, HONEST!), I wonder how many folks reading this will actually go do a little research on their own?  I hope so!  God has made the simple things to confound the wise, and I'm convinced He actually delights in giving us even simple things like Great Balls Of Lightning to make us wonder what else in His creation we have yet to discover.  Never stop being curious, but along the way, don't forget to stop and thank the One who made it all possible.                 

Sugar Snow

Here in central Wisconsin, nearing the end of March, is the beginning of maple syrup season, and with it a blizzard with snow lightning.   Surprised really by the lightning and thunder, and last night the TV was fried by a direct hit--zzzzzpt!  So much for the boring weather channel anyway...don't really need that when you look outside and see the amazing phenomenon of a powerful thunderstorm in a blizzard.  Who can doubt the existence of God when you are momentarily blinded by an other-worldly flash so bright that it takes at least a half minute to regain normal vision.  With this amazing spring blizzard comes the phenomenon called "sugar snow".

According to several children's literature books, we've come to understand how this snow has been so aptly named, since it's appearance and texture truly resembles very large crystals of SUGAR!  Actually, it looks more like actual Swarovsky crystals in large drifts on my screen porch:  treasures from heaven, I think to myself and to God.  Thank you for this gift!  Normally, this type of snow occurs at the same time maple sugar season occurs, another sweet gift from the Creator!  Normally, winter is like an unwanted visitor to me, one I hope leaves sooner than it actually does.  I know this won't last, and even though the icy sugar snow is almost impossible to drive on, I'll be glad for just one more time to be home-bound and cozy...a sugar-snow day!    

Faithful Friend

I'm looking now at the picture of our family dog, Jed, who is a three-year-old purebred border collie and remembering his puppy days, which have so quickly evaporated like smoke on the cold March wind.  This morning as I venture outside, I find what the weather forecasters had predicted.  This time they were telling the truth:  warm, sunny, chilly wind, but no snow or ice!  Finally!  Still bracing for the cold I've been dressing for all this long winter, I open the door to spring just peeking around the corner of an old, bold enemy:  winter.  And this brings me back to Jed, my walking-to-the-mailbox buddy and faithful furry friend.  

I find it amusing as I walk out the door with letters in hand en route to the mailbox, that Jed and our three cats automatically run to their feeding spot under the lean-to of our shop.  Evidently I have habituated them to think that every time I walk out the door, it's either to feed them or to get in the van to go run errands.  I say evidently, because Jed and the cats first go to their food dishes, and when I don't head in that direction, the cats just saunter away, unamused, but Jed goes next to the van or whichever vehicle that he thinks I will be getting into, ready to do his "job" of chasing me down the driveway, turning two or three circles at the end of the driveway, then off to the left or right to chase along our property line faster than the my van will take me.

Of course, he has a 50/50 chance of being right or wrong as to which direction he leads, but he makes up for lost time by doubling back at breakneck speed, then finally dropping back, just for the sport of it all.  This time, though, he gets to follow me, instead of one of my kids, to the mailbox, and I can almost hear his little doggy brain saying "I wonder what she's doing, not getting in the van so I can do my chase game, my one main reason to live, and even better than eating doggie kibbles?"  At least, that's what I think he's thinking.  

I know for a fact that dogs have very simple mind-sets.  I learned this from the "Far Side" comic, which I highly admire and am easily amused by.  You know, the one where the dog is listening to his master saying "Come here, Ginger.  Sit down, Ginger.  Roll over, Ginger", or something like that, and the bottom half of the cartoon shows the same benign dog with the same benign master, thinking the dog understands, and what the dog really hears is "Blah, blah, blah, Ginger..."--so ridiculously true!  So I've learned that my actions mean more to Jed than words...hmmmm, maybe there's a good lesson in there for all of us?  I'd like to think that it's simple enough for my dog to understand, but he is teaching me far more about human nature just by being himself, so maybe he's not so simple-minded after all.  God uses the simple things to confound the wise, and so I am thankful for my Faithful Friend.