Before And After Motherhood

  Before I had children, this is what I envisioned it would be like.  The perfectly behaved children, neat and clean, and my hair and make-up always done (not just when I went out of the house), and my children fascinated by what I was reading them. Oh, and don't forget the lake house and perfect summer weather.


After I had children, more often than not it looked more like this...


But to be completely honest, reality- motherhood falls somewhere in between these extremes--most of the time.

The title of this post is a bit misleading because once you become a mother, you don't ever stop being a mother, so there is no AFTER motherhood. When my children were infants, I couldn't wait until they could sleep through the night. When they were teenagers, I wished they wouldn't stay out so late because I worried if they'd make it home safely, and couldn't they just be little again? Little children, little problems. Big children (well, you know the rest).

When they were babies, I couldn't wait until I didn't have to nurse anymore. When they were older, I'd wish they still would want to cuddle and depend on me completely. Couldn't wait until they could walk and talk, then when they did I was exhausted from chasing them around all day, keeping them out of harm's way and answering all the constant "why's" and "Mom's".

My sister-in-law, who came from a family of five, said her mother got so tired of constantly hearing whiney "Mom!!!" that she told them half-seriously that she was going to change her name to a swear word and beat them for saying it. And she was a Christian woman!

So for any of you wanna-be moms out there, pictures don't tell the whole story. We all would like to think that the first picture (above) is the quintessential picture of motherhood. And the precious mother in the second picture, carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders, is how we should all look at one another. We all have our share of heartaches, some maybe more than others, but we can all just stop comparing ourselves with one another.

The AFTER motherhood, if we are so blessed, is called GRANDmotherhood. And. It. Is.

Career Suicide

I have committed the unspeakable act of career suicide. There are those who would say I was guilty of flushing my career down the proverbial toilet. After all, I didn't get paid for my career, so therefore I wasn't legitimately occupied. I didn't "punch a clock" or work for the state. My resume would read as follows: home-schooled my children from birth through high school (3 out of 4, anyway--one currently in public high school). That's it! (well, not exactly). I did teach 3rd and 4th grades for a year before we began our own family, owned my own daycare, farm and real estate appraisal business with my husband. That is roughly 219,000 hours and counting of unpaid work, round the clock, no sick days or paid time off--HA!!! No pension, no promotions, no fame or fortune. Zippo.

If I could go back and do it all over, would I change anything? Perhaps. How do you finish a 26-year marathon then look back and not see how you couldn't have done some things better? Of course I could in a perfect world. In a perfect world, I would've taught my children with unlimited resources of time and money with never a worry of any lack. Obviously, this was never my reality, in the natural. By that, I mean apart from God's provision, there was no WAY I could have accomplished what I did those many, many, MANY hours, days, months, seasons, years. NO way--impossible! Did I ever want to quit? Absolutely! Ever get discouraged? Every day. Ever doubt the outcome of my work? Too many times. Worry unnecessarily? OH did I ever.

I was just stubborn enough to believe that if God called our family to do this, He would have to make a way. And He did! Boy, did He ever!! My sons both went on to achieve top honors in their programs in their post-secondary education, our youngest now in public high school getting all A's (a B+ in P.E. to her chagrin), and our other daughter and her husband now owning their own farm and raising their own family. My husband supported me all the way all those years. If it weren't for him having our own business, I'm not sure we would have home-schooled as long as we did. Somehow God made it possible to make a one-income household thrive. Together, we worked hard, played hard, and prayed often. My advice to families today is this: eat meals together every day, whenever possible. This is the best way to talk about your day, solve the world's problems, and talk about future vacations, goals, and dreams. And always, ALWAYS spend time together in God's Word and pray!


More important than any achievements the world may deem to be "successful" is that each one of our children is living for Jesus. Nothing else would matter one crumb if they didn't love the Lord with their whole hearts. Nothing. I am not saying that home-schooling is the answer, and no matter where your children attend school, the time you spend with your children (and I mean actively involved) is never, ever wasted! People now ask me if I will go back into teaching, and I almost always say "no". But really I never have quit teaching, and since I'm used to doing it without pay, I may as well continue. Career suicide? Depends on who you ask.

This October Morning...

...was too lovely to keep me trapped in the dreary walls of my place of refuge.  I was NOT a prisoner, and freedom was inviting at me out to visit.  The crimsons, goldens, russets of the woods were drifting down softly around me, and crisp under my boots.  With the steady evergreens both clashing and and yet harmonizing, I was in a symphony of color set against azure and gray.  A canvas, and yet a score for the artist, the composer, laying down color, notes.  Colorful notes!

Crystal-golden tinkling twirls through warmish-cool breeze.  After sky breathes, maples were woodwinds and bells in a symphony of sound, color, scent, touch.  Sky-breath tastes like earth, maple, pine, dry pine and oak.  Sweet wine, I drink deeply of it, and I am warmed. 

Green-needles red pines crescendo as sky breathes, lifting and then lowering batons laden with needles and cones.  I have always enjoyed the bark of the red pine.  It is fun to peel off just a little of the orangy-gray layers like cleaving mica, not too much that I damage the tree, but just enough to see what is underneath.  What is underneath is more of the same cork-bark in abstract shapes like jig-saw puzzle pieces. 

As the crescendo RISES, falls, first LONG and LOUD, then soft...and almost silent, I look down.  A crimson/day-glow-red maple leaf among brown oak leaves tells me to pick up red.  I obey.  It was most lovely in a gaudy sort of way, like a princess among the commoners.  I feel compelled to drop the princess so she may be with her subjects where she belongs, so I do.

The canvas becomes blue, harshly dark and gray, now shifting this temporary palette of divine earth things.  All of it reminds me that change is NOT an option, but with the full assurance that once again the Creator of seasons and substance, Sustainer and Giver of life will not waste it, but keep the hope of another day like this, and BETTER days, even than this one, will be in the tomorrows ahead.

The path of the righteous is like the light of dawn, shining brighter to the full day.  Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but I am assured of the hope of fresh, new, sparkling tomorrows ahead, and I am at rest.  This is the climax for now.  This October morning. 

And, now, suddenly I find myself in April! 

Lost MacGyver Episode

Today one of my daughters and I spent a good deal of time and effort transplanting some perennials we got from a dear sweet little Christian lady who was "downsizing" her vast collection of plant materials.  I envisioned beautiful purple coneflowers, hostas, and Gloriosa daisies amid drifts of forget-me-nots gracing our work-in-progress:  A landscape job complete with stone walkway and rock garden leading to the entrance of our screen porch.  Now, this has truly been a unified effort of blood, sweat, and tears, not only by myself, but my four strong and helpful offspring and two "hired hands" (that's another good story for later).  The project has been evolving over the past several years, and now it's beginning to actually LOOK like something.

So after going out to the clothesline to take down a few loads, the cats were acting and looking a little like Ethiopian refugees in need of a good meal.  "Here kitty, kitty!", and in no time, their poor famished selves are rewarded with dishes of kitty-kibbles.  After I go back inside with the loads of clothes, I turn back to see the cats are walking away from the shop area where I just fed them.  I think to myself, "How can they have eaten that so quickly?", so I investigate only to find the culprit:  Jed!  "Bad dog!!!", and Jed hunkers down to show his guilt.  I have pity on him and tie him up and give him his dinner AWAY from the poor starving Ethiopian cats.  I grumble to myself about all the critters around here that have no manners, and then I get an idea!

I had just minutes before walked into the shop and heard a distinct "beep, beep, beep, beep, beep!", then glanced over to what Paulie, the OTHER Macgyver, was making.  He had some contraption going off that  reminded me of some time-bomb or something, with it's flashing red lights, controls, and that alarm going off.  While I'm pretty sure it ISN"T a time-bomb, I think to myself, "I ought to get Paulie to build me some kind of critter alarm."  Soon after leaving the shop area and making my way back to the house, my thought was confirmed.  "@#$%^& CHICKENS!!!!!"  Blasted things scratched up my beautiful coneflowers, leaving their roots exposed to the air for who-knows-how-long!  That's it, I've decided.  The perfect plot for MacGyver--mastermind a scheme for all these conniving animals, and teach them a lesson once and for all!  "Paulie, while you're at it, what do you think about creating a robot to police all these animals-behaving-badly???"  So everyone, if there's ever a revival of the Lost Episodes of MacGyver, be on the look-out for this exciting chapter, or maybe you'll see the "Animal Police Robot" on some late-night informercial....stranger things HAVE happened!  

Been A Long Time

Since my last blog, much time has passed, and many changes within me as well.  Talk about losing your muse, your inspiration.  Isn't it true that the only place to go from the top of a mountain but down?  My God is the God of the valley, and He is God of the mountain!  He is there, wherever I may think I have lost "it":  He is never lost.  In the deepest pit, He is there.  In the highest of heights, He is there.  Okay, so I'm not going to rewrite the Psalms, but I have again found the joy of overcoming some "momentary light afflictions", by God's grace and for His glory.  In the light of eternity, we who are in Christ will wake up as from a bad dream to the glorious reality of all realities, to bliss beyond anything experienced here...far, far beyond what we could imagine or dream of!  If that thought doesn't bring one peace, know that you can find the One who is our Peace:  Jesus Christ.

We cannot allow ourselves to put too much confidence in others, for they will let us down, just as we have let others down.  What's so great about that is that the One whom we can tell everything to is the One who can never mess up, will never reject us or forget about us, or can never be unable to carry our heavy loads.  He promised to help us, and He promised to unconditionally accept us, "warts and all".  His love is not based on whether we appear to be worthy of that love or not, but it is because HE IS LOVE.  He can ONLY love, ONLY accept, not conditionally, but regardless of how filthy, bloody, or helpless we are.  In fact, that's when we are MOST loved by HIM, the God of mercy, grace, justice, love, peace, and all kindness, who is the Father to the fatherless.  And it is when we know that kind of love, that we ourselves can love from the same heart, the father-heart of God, who is longing to have His "little ones" run to His protective embrace.  It is then that we can extend the grace, mercy, love, and forgiveness that comes from a clean heart, recreated and renewed by the everlasting love of the Father.

Over the years I have come to understand this one thing:  Only God can heal a broken heart.  Others can come alongside and help lead us in the right way, and that is from God, too.  Nobody can fix us, but with the power of the Holy Spirit, we can comfort one another with the comfort with which WE were comforted.  We all have experienced being cold, lost, and afraid, and hopefully, if we are reading these words, we have been comforted by someone else seeing the state of need that we were in.  The Holy Spirit, Who is our COMFORTER, knows exactly how to help us, and when we are truly needy, He knows how to bring loving people into our lives to help us find our way again.

I have just read today that those gifted with high intelligence are more emotionally sensitive, which has both positive and negative sides.  The positive side of being sensitive is treating people with kindness and respect.  The negative side is that the realm of the mind can be the torture chamber the enemy, Satan, uses to try to immobilize God's children.  The Good News is this:  God won't tolerate His children being bullied.  He stands between you and Satan and declares "Enough!".  End of discussion.  We don't have to fight in our own strength, but we DO have to remind Satan who we belong to.  The thief (Satan) only comes to steal, kill, and destroy (bad news), but Jesus said He came that we could have life to the full (GOOD news!).  Anyone reading this has the intelligence factor that can fall prey to Satan's lies (more bad news), but if we come to Jesus as a little child, He will give us the keys to His kingdom (the BEST news!!!!!!!).  Take those keys and open the doors to abundant life in Christ!                                  

Abundant Grace, Peace, and Joy! Part One

I have experienced another "renaissance", another renewal, another rekindling of the fire of God within and upon me, and I can't help but want to share it.  Outwardly, we are perishing, as Paul the apostle said, but our inward Man is being renewed day by day.  Amen!  I have had another almost impossible week, but by the power of the Holy Spirit, I was supernaturally able to get through it, and do it well--praise the Lord Jesus for He deserves all the glory!  I know it was because of the prayers of my brothers and sisters in the Lord that I was able to handle some extremely difficult situations that I just didn't have the mental or physical energy to do on my own.  And so I am most humbled by the thought of people who care enough to pray for me in my time of need, and I am amazed by the absolute peace that passes understanding that has been guarding my heart and mind through all this.

Let us all remember that Jesus said that the thief, or Satan, comes to steal, kill, and destroy, but JESUS came that we would have ABUNDANT life.  What does that look like?  Jesus also said in this world we would have tribulation, but BE OF GOOD CHEER.  Why?  Because, He said He OVERCAME the world, and therefore, if we are in Christ, guess what?  We overcome, too!  It might not be right during the trial, and it might mean that He keeps us safe in the midst of the trial.  The fact that we face trials is part of the human condition.  The same sun that melts the wax also hardens the clay.  And so we must ask ourselves, what are we made of?  Is our heart like wax, pliable when heat is applied?  Or does our heart harden, like clay, not able any more to be pliable?

I desire more than anything to have a heart of wax, to be the fuel for the fire of the Holy Spirit to burn bright in the dark world.  Also, the finest gold is wrought in the hottest fire.  Abundant gold, abundant wax, abundant fire.  Be bold, be bright, and let your light shine!  The opposite of abundant life is what the thief comes to do:  To take away all that has already been provided for us through the finished work of Christ.  He is Victor, and so are we!  We who are the children of God have been given the legal right to use the Name which is above all names, Jesus Christ, not as a little magic token or a rote powerless afterthought, but as our birthright.  We have been re-fathered when we were born again, and now our heavenly Father has made us accepted in the Beloved.   

So what this means to us is that we have been given all we need to obtain life and godliness in this present age.  We have the name of Jesus, we have the Holy Spirit, and we have a new Father, Who IS Love.  He is Jehovah Jireh, the Lord who provides, and He promised to provide a way of escape when we are faced with impossible situations.  Nothing, nothing, absolutely nothing--nothing is too difficult for our God!  Hallelujah!  His grace is more than enough, His peace is more than enough, His joy is more than enough.  Thank you, Lord, for your strength that helps us when we most need it, when we are weakest, then Your strength is made known.  In Your presence is fullness of joy and pleasures forevermore!  I'll praise You in the storm, even though it looks bad, for You are Lord of the storm and You are Life.  I could go on and on, but I'm going to have to continue next time.  May the Lord Jesus Christ bless you with every spiritual blessing!  Amen.                  

Mystery Bird

Last week I enjoyed a leisurely walk by myself (which is a real luxury for me these days).  Usually my walks were all about aerobics and getting my heart rate up, but today was just a gem of a day in the midst of so many dreary ones, so I made the best of it.  I decided to take my time and just breathe in all the sights, sounds, and smells and let my senses soothe me in the moment.  I also allowed myself to remember what I heard, saw, smelled, and touched, just like when I was a kid walking through our woods, which was my own personal "sanctuary" away from my crazy family.

The day was perfectly cloudless, sunny and warm, maybe with the softest bit of a breeze blowing, if any.  As I neared the end of the driveway, I decided to walk in the direction of the creek than runs through our property and under the road through a very large culvert, large enough to let cattle to walk through, apparently.  Stopping there, I watched the spring water coursing through our pasture, under the road, and to the other side of the road, where the creek continues on to some other destination.  Funny to think that someone from the zoning department classified this creek as "navigable".  What were they thinking, that perhaps we were planning a ship yard on our dinky little pond or something?  I'd like those zoning guys to come and try to navigate anything larger than a paper boat here...   

I peer over the steep embankment where the water is coming through on the neighbor's side where they pasture their horses and cattle.  I am fascinated by the sparkling crystal clear water bubbling over large smooth rocks, singing it's way along--I never grow weary of that sound!  I know in a few months when the weather warms up, that water won't be so crystal-clear anymore, due to warmer temperatures and cattle promoting algae growth.  I think I see water cress growing in the ditch, the first green among all the dead, brown grasses left over from last year.  I intend to check it again to notice how much it has been growing.

On my way, I first hear it...is it a coot?  I see near the base of a dying spruce tree, some odd-looking bird, but it's a ways off, so I strain to get a better look.  Hmmmm...looks like a small prehistoric dinosaur called a pterodactyl with a long pointy beak.  I watch and listen, and it seems to be drilling with its beak into the dying spruce tree.  Normally, that's a woodpecker, but this thing is huge!  We have lots of birds here, probably due to the fact that we have the creek and a pond on our place, but this one is new to me.  I start walking back to get a closer look, and the thing takes off flying, it's wings flashing black and white and flying a bit awkwardly.  It lands in a large oak tree near our house.

So, I think I have had a good look at it, and when I go inside, I search the net to find that it is a pilleated woodpecker.  Those of you who are young enough to remember Woody Woodpecker would see the resemblance--a huge bird, as far as woodpeckers go.  I never cared much for that obnoxious cartoon character, but I think I could get used to this Mystery Bird, as his personality doesn't resemble his counterpart, Woody, at least in my opinion.  Now I'm thinking I must be old to be joining the bird-watcher's guild.  That's okay with me, and I hope I never get too old to learn something new!